I’ve had many work situations go awry in the past. Who hasn’t? Who hasn’t been submerged in a pool of emotional and physical expectations that begin to feel more like drowning rather than floating blissfully?

I was bound and wrapped in candy wrappers and shots of coffee to realize that I wasn’t thriving but surviving.

Expectations are the death of joy. And while I am all about death, dying, and rebirth… it often feels incredibly hard and painful when you are in it. I had expectations for myself and others. The way I expected them to show up in a business relationship (🤦‍♀️ silly me) and how I would as well.

I was doing side work for a popular coach in the self improvement industry. Some tech stuff, emails, designs, social media. Nothing crazy. But fuck, was it stressful. At one point I had found myself working three jobs, being a single mom, barely breathing, not even sure how I got there.

The woes of a defined will center. How much can I do, prove, get done, show, make, be? IYKYK

When she fired me she said she didn’t like that I was doing other things (like coaching) and that she didn’t feel like my heart was truly in it.

I did a lot of blaming. Victimizing. Martyring. All the things. I was angry, I was hurt, I was incredibly relieved, and my ego was definitely bruised.

After a week or so, I realized I wasn’t letting it go. Which tells me there is something I haven’t hit on yet. Something I haven’t seen.

I had been getting a lot of signs about PROJECTIONS for several days. I was seeing the word everywhere. Receiving worksheets from people around projections. Reading about it (not on purpose). But it didn’t truly dawn on me that I was projecting until my boyfriend threw some uncomfortable truths at me.

Projections: when we blame, criticize, judge others for (1) the things dislike in ourselves that we see in others (2) the qualities others have that we wish we did.

I judged her for making such a harsh decision out of nowhere. That’s so irresponsible. But there I was .. dragging out other situations because I couldn’t make a decision. I judged her for her standards that to me were ridiculous .. but I was definitely missing some higher standards in my life as well. I wished I could articulate my needs and stand my ground with complete trust and faith like she did. (But my way – insert more grace)

These are all things I’ve been actively working on, continuing to pull away the layers. So of course, they showed up for me to dig deeper and heal more intensely. BECAUSE MY SOUL IS A MASOCHIST.

The thing about projections is that we often don’t see them or want to see them. They are uncomfortable, vulnerable, and painful to our egos. Sort of like slicing your finger on the inside of a tin can of tomato sauce. 😬 

But if you (like me) are on this road to healing, self love/acceptance, higher knowing, and ice cream sundaes without the guilt, then this is a HUGE part of the work. Dare I even say that if you ONLY focused on projections you’d see a huge difference in your life and in your relationships.

I want to remind you about the importance of self awareness, the importance of looking at yourself HONESTLY and the importance of 

I also want to remind you that no matter where you are in “doing the work”, you’re doing great. Even if you miss a thing or two, get fired, hit a parked car, and pee your pants at a BBQ… you are doing GREAT!