A lot of things have changed for me in the last 6 months or so.
I was laid off, found another job, took yet another job, and then another, started school, started this website, and began a true spiritual journey into finding myself, my purpose, and my happiness. I was met with resistance, fear, doubt, self-sabotage, and tons of limiting beliefs.
I am in Saturn Return. What does that mean? There are a few times in our lives when Saturn returns into our birth planet (you can read more here). It takes 29 years for Saturn to return to this position. This is a test of the lessons that we’ve learned in the first 29 years of our lives. It’s a time to progress, grow up, learn, and find our place in the world. I highly suggest this article if you are also on the cusp of 30 (eek!). Re-evaluating lessons learned and becoming aware of those lessons we have not learned that are still showing up in our lives are critical. What behavior are you repeating?
For me, this couldn’t be more spot on. I feel I am being challenged to actually put all the things that I have learned into play. For me that means that this is my chance to actually make things happen for myself. To put real action steps to my goals and then do them. This is the chance I have to actually make things happen. And then I freeze (because that’s my repeating behavior). I have done some self analyzing lately and realized that the things I gravitate towards when in this state of anxiety are ones that don’t require me to make decisions or do anything to feel better. I’m talking about spiritual books, TED talks, meditations, inspirational videos, and the like. I feel better after doing these things but ultimately, I am still in the same place I was before, paralyzed by fear. Do any of you ever feel this way? Is this the behavior you are repeating as well?
So here is my AHA moment. It’s a vicious fucking circle. We go round and round avoiding, fearing, and doubting, never getting anything done and finding ourselves in the same place! Do you really want to be in this exact spot in a week or two? No, me either. And that sentence “Do you really want to be in this exact spot in a week or two?” is what REALLY keeps me going day in and day out. Below are some of the things that have helped me stop repeating my destructive behavior and break out of my vicious circle.
Focus on those things that keep you going.